Triumph the Insult Comic jokes

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.
Rita Rudner

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
Carol Leifer

I have a great diet. You are allowed to eat anything you want. But you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone

I went into MacDonalds yesterday and said "I'd like some fries".
The girl at the counter said "Would you like some fries with that".
Jay Leno

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

What can you do in radiation-contaminated rivers?
Nuclear fission.

Why did the jazz musician like the wooden board?
Because it had a nice groove in it!

How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on BOTH sides of his pickup truck.

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